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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Shout in anger

This one is a lovely story and you should read it….. A good one too……..I am sure you will like it.
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue, do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin was not only one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. He was a leading writer, publisher, inventor, diplomat, scientist, and philosopher. He is well-known for his experiments with electricity and lightning, and for publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac" and the Pennsylvania Gazette. He served as Postmaster General under the Continental Congress, and later became a prominent abolitionist. He is credited with inventing the lightning rod, the Franklin Stove, and bifocals.

A year after Benjamin Franklin's death, his autobiography, entitled "Memoires De La Vie Privee," was published in Paris in March of 1791. The first English translation, "The Private Life of the Late Benjamin Franklin, LL.D. Originally Written By Himself, And Now Translated From The French," was published in London in 1793.

Known today as "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin," this classic piece of Americana was originally written for Franklin's son William, then the Governor of New Jersey.

The work portrays a fascinating picture of life in Philadelphia, as well as Franklin's shrewd observations on the literature, philosophy and religion of America's Colonial and Revolutionary periods. Franklin wrote the first five chapters of his autobiography in England in 1771, resumed again thirteen years later (1784-85) in Paris and later in 1788 when he returned to the United States. Franklin ends the account of his life in 1757 when he was 51 years old.

Considered to be the greatest autobiography produced in Colonial America, Franklin's Autobiography is published here in 14 chapters.

water anywhere

Water is having a significant impact on many people's lives around the world right now. From droughts to quake lakes, floods to monsoons, people and animals are dealing with water in many ways. In these recent photos, we can see people play, wash, mourn, survive, escape, celebrate and marvel with something so basic as water. (17 photos total)

Department of Water and Power workers are emptying out bales of plastic balls in the Ivanhoe reservoir in Los Angeles on Monday, June 9, 2008. Department of Water and Power released about 400,000 black plastic 4-inch balls as the first installment of approximately 3 million to form a floating cover over 7 acres of the reservoir to protect the water from sunlight. When sunlight mixes with the bromide and chlorine in Ivanhoe's water, the carcinogen bromate can form. (Irfan Khan/AP)
Department of Water and Power workers are emptying out bales of plastic balls in the Ivanhoe reservoir in Los Angeles on Monday, June 9, 2008. Department of Water and Power released about 400,000 black plastic 4-inch balls as the first installment of approximately 3 million to form a floating cover over 7 acres of the reservoir to protect the water from sunlight. When sunlight mixes with the bromide and chlorine in Ivanhoe's water, the carcinogen bromate can form. (Irfan Khan/AP)

Earthquake survivors wash clothes at a river in Leigu town of the Beichuan county, in China's southwestern province of Sichuan on May 31, 2008. China was poised May 31 to drain water out of a dangerous "quake lake" as more than 197,000 people have been evacuated in case of flooding, an official from nearby Mianyang city said. (AFP PHOTO/TEH Eng Koon)

Water flows through a sluice channel of the Tangjiashan quake lake in Tangjiashan, Sichuan Province June 8, 2008 in this picture distributed by China's official Xinhua News Agency. The water level in the quake lake stood at 741.82 metres above sea level at midday on Sunday, still 1.45 metres higher than the sluice, with the lake's volume exceeding 240 million cubic metres, Xinhua News Agency reported. (REUTERS/Xinhua/Li Gang).

In this photo released by China's Xinhua News Agency, the water gushed out of the Tangjiashan quake lake at 9 a.m. of Tuesday, June 10, 2008 in southwest China's Sichuan Province. China declared an end Tuesday to the crisis over the brimming lake formed by the May 12 massive earthquake that had threatened to flood downstream communities. (AP Photo/Xinhua/ Li Gang)

A bridge is destroyed by floods in the worst earthquake-hit area of Beichuan county, in China's southwestern province of Sichuan on June 10, 2008. Muddy, brown water from a quake lake in southwest China was pouring into the flattened town of Beichuan June 10, piling new woes on its tormented population. (LIU JIN/AFP/Getty Images)

People place candlelights into a river to mourn the deceased of the May 12 Sichuan earthquake on a river beach the eve of 'Duanwu Festival' on June 7, 2008 in Beijing, China. More than 69,000 people are now known to have died in the quake and Chinese aid workers are struggling to find shelter for millions who lost their homes in China's worst quake in three decades. (Photo by Guang Niu/Getty Images)

People get hit by monsoon-driven waves from the Arabian Sea crashing on a seawall in Mumbai June 7, 2008. (REUTERS/Arko Datta)

A child collects rain water running off of a tent at a camp for people displaced from Cyclone Nargis near the Irrawaddy Delta town of Labutta, some 320 kms (200 miles) from Myanmar's largest city of Yangon on May 31, 2008. A month after Myanmar's cyclone left 133,000 people dead or missing. (AFP/KHIN MAUNG WIN)

Villagers set off firecrackers on their dragon boats on a river at Liede Village in Guangzhou, in south China's Guangdong province, Sunday, June 8, 2008. Dradon Boat Festival, or Duanwu Festival, the day remembrance the annivesary of the death of patriotic poet Qu Yuan, a minister who committed suicide by drowning himself in the Miluo river in central Hunan province after his nation was conquered in 277 B.C. (AP Photo/Color China Photo)

Passengers hang on as rescuers arrive to rescue them off a capsized ferry boat, where seven other passengers are missing on the Zhijiang river, a tributary of the mighty Yangtze river, after a storm hit Zhijiang county in central China's Hubei province on June 3, 2008. Torrential downpours in China have so far claimed 64 lives in 2008, with flash-floods destroying thousands of homes as well as bridges and large swathes of crops. (AFP/AFP/Getty Images)

Residents walk through several feet of floodwaters to get to higher ground along Rocky Ford Road in Columbus, Ind. on Saturday, June 7, 2008. Hundreds of residents had to be rescued as floodwater shut off several areas throughout the city. The flooding resulted in one confirmed death and is estimated to have caused several millions in damges. (AP Photo/The Columbus Republic, Mike Dickbernd)

Four local Amish residents from the Worthington, Ind. area walk up to the shore of the flooding on State Road 67 where it is closed Monday afternoon just on the south side of Worthington. (AP Photo/The Indianapolis Star, Matt Kryger)

A home near the 254-acre Lake Delton in Lake Delton, Wisconsin was damaged when flood waters breached the bank and drained the lake Monday, June 9, 2008. Floodwater washed away three houses and threatened dams in Wisconsin as military crews joined desperate sandbagging operations to hold back Indiana streams surging toward record levels. (AP Photo/Wisconsin State Journal, Steve Apps)

A fawn struggles against the fast flowing White River as it tries to walk along the levee on Monday, June 9, 2008 in Edwardsport, Ind. The fawn was swept off the levee, but managed to swim to a bank and make its way from the water. (AP Photo/Vincennes Sun-Commercial, Kevin J. Kilmer)

Pakistanis enjoy the shallow waters off a beach in Karachi on June 8, 2008, on 'The Day of the Oceans'. The future food security of millions of people is at risk because over-fishing, climate change and pollution are inflicting massive damage on the world's oceans, marine scientists warned this week.. (RIZWAN TABASSUM/AFP/Getty Images)

A hippo swims in the surf at Thompsons Bay, about 50km (31 miles) from Durban, May 27, 2008. It is thought that the lone young male hippo has wandered from its habitat in Richards Bay. (REUTERS/Rogan Ward)


Computer Tech Support Calls


These "silly tech support calls" have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.

They are always fun to read. I'm in the mood for a good laugh. How 'bout you?


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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....


**********


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


**********


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


**********


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


**********


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


**********


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


**********


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


**********


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


**********


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.


**********

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


**********


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


**********


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


**********


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


**********


And last but not least...


Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO
THAT!

SEVEN SECRETS OF SUCCESS

SEVEN SECRETS OF SUCCESS

I found the answer in my room.

1. ROOF said: Aim high.
2. FAN said: Be cool.
3. CLOCK said: Every minute is precious
4. MIRROR said: Reflect before you act.
5. WINDOW said: See the world..
6. CALENDAR said: Be up to date.
7. DOOR said: Push hard to achieve your goal.

would u like to buy same 4 u


Tell Me You Love Me?

Where do I start?
How do I begin?
To tell you how much
I never want this to end
Why you burn in my mind
And fill up my soul
How you live in my heart
And keep living from taking its toll
I need you more today
Than I ever have before
Every time I touch you
I love you all the more
No one can ever take your place
Or do the things you do
Nothing pleases me more
Than loving the essence of you
Tell me you love me
By looking into my eyes
Say that you want me
By whispering your sighs
Ask me to love you
By the gentleness of your kiss
Tell me you love me
Your love I truly miss
("V")

Fantastic Natural Phenomena.

1) Sailing Stones



The mysterious moving stones of the packed-mud desert of Death Valley have been a center of scientific controversy for decades. Rocks weighing up to hundreds of pounds have been known to move up to hundreds of yards at a time. Some scientists have proposed that a combination of strong winds and surface ice account for these movements. However, this theory does not explain evidence of different rocks starting side by side and moving at different rates and in disparate directions. Moreover, the physics calculations do not fully support this theory as wind speeds of hundreds of miles per hour would be needed to move some of the stones.



2) Columnar Basalt



When a thick lava flow cools it contracts vertically but cracks perpendicular to its directional flow with remarkable geometric regularity - in most cases forming a regular grid of remarkable hexagonal extrusions that almost appear to be made by man. One of the most famous such examples is the Giant's Causeway on the coast of Ireland (shown above) though the largest and most widely recognized would be Devil's Tower in Wyoming. Basalt also forms different but equally fascinating ways when eruptions are exposed to air or water.



3) Blue Holes



Blue holes are giant and sudden drops in underwater elevation that get their name from the dark and foreboding blue tone they exhibit when viewed from above in relationship to surrounding waters. They can be hundreds of feet deep and while divers are able to explore some of them they are largely devoid of oxygen that would support sea life due to poor water circulation - leaving them eerily empty. Some blue holes, however, contain ancient fossil remains that have been discovered, preserved in their depths.



4) Red Tides



Red tides are also known as algal blooms - sudden influxes of massive amounts of colored single-cell algae that can convert entire areas of an ocean or beach into a blood red color. While some of these can be relatively harmless, others can be harbingers of deadly toxins that cause the deaths of fish, birds and marine mammals.. In some cases, even humans have been harmed by red tides though no human exposure are known to have been fatal. While they can be fatal, the constituent phytoplankton in ride tides are not harmful in small numbers.



5) Ice Circles



While many see these apparently perfect ice circles as worthy of conspiracy theorizing, scientists generally accept that they are formed by eddies in the water that spin a sizable piece of ice in a circular motion. As a result of this rotation, other pieces of ice and flotsam wear relatively evenly at the edges of the ice until it slowly forms into an essentially ideal circle. Ice circles have been seen with diameters of over 500 feet and can also at times be found in clusters and groups at different sizes as shown above.



6) Mammatus Clouds



True to their ominous appearance, mammatus clouds are often harbingers of a coming storm or other extreme weather system. Typically composed primarily of ice, they can extend for hundreds of miles in each direction and individual formations can remain visibly static for ten to fifteen minutes at a time. While they may appear foreboding they are merely the messengers - appearing around, before or even after severe weather.



7) Fire Rainbows



A circumhorizontal fire rainbow arc occurs at a rare confluence of right time and right place for the sun and certain clouds. Crystals within the clouds refract light into the various visible waves of the spectrum but only if they are arrayed correctly relative to the ground below. Due to the rarity with which all of these events happen in conjunction with one another, there are relatively few remarkable photos of this phenomena.

solution of dandruff

Dandruff Symptoms

The scales from the scalp fall : When the hair is combed or brushed, or when the scalp is scratched, the scales from the scalp fall like snowflakes and settle on the eye brows, shoulders, and clothes. These scales sometimes appear as lumps or crusts on the scalp.

Itching is there and scalp may become red :Often there is itching as well and the scalp may become red from scratching.

Dandruff Causes

Impairment of general health, wrong food intake, constipation

The main causes of dandruff are impairment of general health, development of a toxic condition mainly due to taking of wrong foods, constipation, and a low vitality due to infectious diseases.

Emotional tension, harsh shampoos, general exhaustion

Other factors contributing to this disorder are emotional tension, harsh shampoos, exposure to cold, and general exhaustion.

Home Remedies for Dandruff

Dandruff treatment using Fenugreek Seeds

The use of fenugreek seeds is one of the most important remedies in the treatment of dandruff. Two tablespoons of these seeds should be soaked overnight in water and ground into a fine paste in the morning. This paste should be applied all over the scalp and left for half an hour. The hair should then be washed thoroughly with soap-nut (ritha) solution or acacia concinna.

Dandruff treatment using Lime

The use of a teaspoon of fresh lime juice for the last rinse, while washing the hair, is another useful remedy. This not only leaves the hair glowing but also removes stickiness and prevents dandruff.

Dandruff treatment using Green Gram Powder

A valuable prescription for removal of dandruff is the use of green gram powder. The hair should be washed twice a week with two tablespoons of this powder mixed with half a cup of curd.

Dandruff treatment using Beet

Beets have been found useful in dandruff. Both tops and roots should be boiled in water and this water should be massaged into the scalp with the finger tips every night. White beet is better for this purpose.

Dandruff treatment using Snake Gourd

The juice of snake gourd has been found beneficial in the prevention and treatment of dandruff. The juice should be rubbed over the scalp for this purpose.

Dandruff treatment using Other Remedies

Dandruff can be removed by massaging the hair for half an hour with curd which has been kept in the open for three days, or with a few drops of lime juice mixed with indian gooseberry juice every night, before going to bed. Another measure which helps to counteract dandruff is to dilute cider vinegar with an equal quantity of water and dab this on to the hair with cotton wool inbetween shampooing. Cider vinegar added to the final rinsing water after shampooing also helps to disperse dandruff.

Dietaries for Dandruff

All-fruit diet with three meala a day of juicy fruits

Diet plays an important role in the treatment of dandruff. To begin with, the patient should resort to an all-fruit diet for about five days and take three meals a day of juicy fruits.

Avoid citrus fruits, bananas, tinned fruits

Citrus fruits, bananas, dried, stewed, or tinned fruits should not be taken.

Well-balanced diet

After the all-fruit diet, the patient can gradually adopt a well-balanced diet, with emphasis on raw foods, especially fresh fruits and vegetables. Further short periods of an all-fruit diet for three days or so may be necessary at monthly intervals till the skin's condition improves.

Avoid strong tea/coffee, pickles, refined and processed foods

Meats, sugar, white flour, strong tea or coffee, condiments, pickles, refined and processed foods should all be avoided.

Other Dandruff treatments

Keep hair and scalp clean to avoid accumulation of dead cells

The foremost consideration in the treatment of this disorder is to keep the hair and scalp clean so as to minimise the accumulation of dead cells.

Hair should be brushed daily to improve circulation

The hair should be brushed daily to improve the circulation and remove any flakiness. The most effective way to brush the hair is to bend forward from the waist with the head down towards the ground, and brush from the nape of the neck towards the top of the head. The scalp should also be thoroughly massaged everyday, using one's finger tips and working systematically over the head. This should be done just before or after brushing the hair. Like brushing, this stimulates the circulation, dislodges dirt and dandruff, and encourages hair growth. Exposure of the head to the rays of the sun is also a useful measure in the treatment of dandruff.

Warm-water enema

During the first five days of the treatment when the patient takes an all-fruit diet, a warm-water enema should be taken daily to cleanse the bowels. Simultaneously, an attempt should be made to keep the body in good health.


How to Cure Dandruff

Dandruff is due to the excessive shedding of dead skin cells from the scalp.
As it is normal for skin cells to die and flake off, a small amount of flaking is normal and in fact quite common.

Some people, however, either chronically or as a result of certain triggers,
experience an unusually large amount of flaking, which can also be accompanied by redness and irritation.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

girls attitude

Six answers given by a GIRL when she is proposed¿¿¿.
1 Nahi
2 Mujhe waqt chahiye
3 I have always seen u as a friend
4 I already have a boy friend
5 We should concentrate on studies
6 Tum abhi tak mujhe jante kahan ho?

Yeh infatuation hai.Six answers given by a BOY when he is proposed¿¿ ¿..
1 Yes
2 Yes
3 Yes
4 Yes
5 Yes
dis proves that guys r better humans than girls and they believe more in spreading loveIf u open this U have to repost it or you will have bad luck for therest of your life!!!!!!!............
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize he/she likes you.Something good will happen to you at approx 1:42pm tomorrow, it couldbe anywhere.So get ready for the biggest surprise of your life.If you break this chain, you will be cursed with relationshipproblems for the most important time of your life.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Story of the year

Story of the year
"A son and his father were walking on the mountains.Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"He receives the answer: "Who are you?"And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"The voice answers: "I admire you!"Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"He receives the answer: "Coward!"He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"The voice answers: "You are a champion!"The boy is surprised, but does not understand.Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.It gives you back everything you say or do.Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

PUPPIES FOR SALE

PUPPIES FOR SALE
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy. Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?""Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...."I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Contact Agreement

Contact Agreement

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
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Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to Pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have Elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of The funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only Eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of Opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for The inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused Me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I Personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging prerecorded, faceless entity Which your bank has be come.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood Person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no Longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed Personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must Nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any Other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your Chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in Order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, There is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical History must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory Details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) Must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she Must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 Digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses Required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As They say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press Buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is Required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put On hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

Uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. While this may, on Occasion, involve a lengthy wait, Regrettably, but again following your Example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of This new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less Prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman )

Monday, March 9, 2009

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

surely u can't answer this question

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor, "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student, "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct
answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam."

Professor, "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers, "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The History of Valentine's Day.







The History of Valentine's Day.





Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and d.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial — which probably occurred around 270 A.D — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.




who know this

WHO KNEW THIS???

I have been
driving for nearly 44 years... I would think I should have noticed the little secret on my dashboard that was staring me in the face the whole time...I didn't...and I bet you didn't either...

Have you ever rented or borrowed a car and when arriving at the gas station wondered...mmm, which side is the gas filler cap?
My normal s olution was to stick my hea d out the window, strain my neck and look, try to see in the side mirrors or even get out of the car!
Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to share with you my little secret so you will no longer look like Ace Ventura on your way to the gas station or pu t your neck at risk of discomfort or injury.

If you look at your gas gauge, you will see a small icon of a gas pump?
The handle of the gas pump will extend out on either the left or right side of the gas pump?
If your tank is on the left, the handle will be on the left? If your tank is on the right, the handle will be on the right (see photo). It is that simple!





Monday, March 2, 2009

f1 to f12 shortcut keys


Question:What are the F1 through F12 keys?


Answer:Commonly known as "function keys
", F1 through F12 may have a variety of different uses or no use at all. Depending on the installed operating system and the software program currently open will change how each of these keys operate. A program is capable of not only using each of the function keys,

but also combining the function keys with the ALT and/or CTRL keys, for example, Microsoft Windows users can press

ALT + F4 to close the program currently active.

Below is a short-listing of some of the common functions of the functions keys on computers running Microsoft Windows. As mentioned above not all programs support function keys and/or may perform different tasks then those mentioned below. If you are looking for more specific shortcut keys and function key examples we suggest seeing our shortcut key page.F1Almost always used as the help key, almost every program will open the help screen when this key is pressed.

Windows

Key + F1 would open the Microsoft Windows help and support center.Open the Task Pane

F2In Windows commonly used to rename a highlighted icon or file.

Alt + Ctrl + F2 opens a new document in Microsoft Word.

Ctrl + F2 displays the print preview window in Microsoft Word.

F3 Often opens a search feature for many programs including Microsoft Windows.

Shift + F3 will change the text in Microsoft Word from upper to lower case or a capital letter at the beginning of every word.

F4Open find window.Repeat the last action performed (Word 2000+)

Alt + F4 will close the program currently active in Microsoft Windows.

Ctrl + F4 will close the open window within the current active window in Microsoft Windows.

F5In all modern Internet browsers pressing

F5 will refresh or reload the page or document window.Open the find, replace, and go to window in Microsoft Word.Starts a slideshow in PowerPoint.

F6Move the cursor to the Address bar in Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox.

Ctrl + Shift + F6 opens to another open Microsoft Word document.

F7Commonly used to spell check and grammar check a document in Microsoft programs such as Microsoft Word, Outlook, etc.

Shift + F7 runs a Thesaurus check on the word highlighted.Turns on Caret browsing in Mozilla Firefox.

F8Function key used to enter the Windows startup menu, commonly use to get into Windows Safe Mode.

F9Opens the Measurements toolbar in Quark 5.0.

F10In Microsoft Windows activates the menu bar of an open application.

Shift + F10 is the same as right-clicking on a highlighted icon, file, or Internet link.

F11Full-screen mode in all modern Internet browsers.

F12Open the Save as window in Microsoft Word.

Shift + F12 save the Microsoft Word document.

Ctrl + Shift + F12 prints a document in Microsoft Word.

nice poem

किसी के इतने पास न जा

के दूर जाना खौफ़ बन जाये

एक कदम पीछे देखने पर

सीधा रास्ता भी खाई नज़र आये


किसी को इतना अपना न बना

कि उसे खोने का डर लगा रहे

इसी डर के बीच एक दिन ऐसा न आये

तु पल पल खुद को ही खोने लगे


किसी के इतने सपने न देख

के काली रात भी रन्गीली लगे

आन्ख खुले तो बर्दाश्त न हो

जब सपना टूट टूट कर बिखरने लगे


किसी को इतना प्यार न कर

के बैठे बैठे आन्ख नम हो जाये

उसे गर मिले एक दर्द

इधर जिन्दगी के दो पल कम हो जाये


किसी के बारे मे इतना न सोच

कि सोच का मतलब ही वो बन जाये

भीड के बीच भी

लगे तन्हाई से जकडे गये


किसी को इतना याद न कर

कि जहा देखो वोही नज़र आये

राह देख देख कर कही ऐसा न हो

जिन्दगी पीछे छूट जाय

 

Sunday, March 1, 2009

insiration 2

inspirations Sarah
Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at the Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl.
"Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?"
"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.
Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue. "She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.
Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.
When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.
"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but.." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.
"The girl in the photograph... my granddaughter well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa, any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."
Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do.
Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "This is the least I can do."
When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital.
"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day
"C'mon, I'll take you there," Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.
Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with a weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.
Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IV tubes intact.
Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement.
Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room.
As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside, one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering, "Thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes.
Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year.
As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.
"Oh, yes, Santa... I do!" she exclaimed.
"Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you." he said. Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing, softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night.... All is calm, all is bright..."
The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all.
When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own. "Now, Sarah," he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!"
He knew it was risky proclaiming that to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE.
"Yes, Santa!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa's side to thank him.
"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly. "This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him.
One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.
"Hi, Santa! Remember me?!"
"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.
"You came to see me in the hospital last year!"
Santa's jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed.
He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.
That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus.
He had witnessed -- and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about this miracle of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well.
He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you, Father. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas!"

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